Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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