Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
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For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
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alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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