Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Randomize
