oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Randomize
