I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
