jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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