Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Randomize
