I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize