I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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