Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
