"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
