Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
