Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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