what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize