i may or may not be watching the land before time
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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