i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
