she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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