New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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