I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Randomize
