What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
