Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
