yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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