pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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