It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
