LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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