I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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