glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I think im going to throw up on grandma
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
