I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
