Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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