there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
