just come out here and I will go home with you...
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
