haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
