Your tits are I can't wait for
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Everclear isn't food dammit
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
