My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
