omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
How naked do you want me to be?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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