CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
