My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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