so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
