it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
