you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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