we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
