If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
