smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
