Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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