Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Can I color on your dick again?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
