Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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