We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize