things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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