And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
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And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
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NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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