from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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