Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
