yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
