The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
