I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
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