He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
