You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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