I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I think my moral compass just broke
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
