so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
