i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
