Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
