I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
