I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
someone threw a dead crab at me
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
