Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Green mimosas i think yes
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
