I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
