I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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