My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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