i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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