No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
