I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
