I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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