I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
