I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
