My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
