My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
