if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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