so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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