I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
