after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Dignity is for republicans.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
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